Figtree Churassco

In celebration of Michael‘s TAFE Award, the IT Team (and Pete) found themselves at Figtree Churrasco Bar and Grill. For those unfamiliar with a churrasco, the concept is simple: several courses of South American style meats are served at your table from swords (skewers, actually, but let‘s not get into the semantics). As we were brave enough (silly enough, actually, but let‘s not get into semantics) to get the El Grande Churrasco, this also came with tapas and dessert.

The sides, which to our delight were never-ending, consisted of a salad (meh!) and heavenly chat potatoes that punched you in the tongue with a fist made of sweet caramel flavours and aromatic herbs. In all seriousness I could write a page just on those potatoes – but space is at a premium here people! So, let‘s get onto the actual courses.

First out of the gate was the chorizo – a spicy little sausage that kicked you in the mouth and started your palette running. Not hot enough to make you cry, just warm enough to let you know you‘re entering the delicious world of South American cuisine.

Next up was the chicken thigh – tender and succulent, these little beauties were coated in the Churrasco No. 9 rub! Just thinking about the smokey flavour is making me drool on my keyboard.

The scallops were up next and were unanimously voted the bottom of the list by the group – whether the hard hitting flavours of the previous two courses left us unprepared for the subtleties of this seafood round is a matter for debate – still nice though!

Pork. Need I say more?! What? I do? Oh, ok. A delicious combo of szechuan pepper, cumin and paprika were rubbed into my favourite animal to eat. It was then cooked to perfection, being left tender and juicy and... and now there‘s drool on my tie. Even people less bias to the pork-side enjoyed it!

To signify the mid-way point of the night, as well as to cleanse our palettes, we were then served pineapple. But - this was no ordinary pineapple. It had been prepared in a way I had not encountered before. Glazed in brown sugar, cinnamon and orange juice and grilled, somehow managing to not be overly sweet. From now on this is the only way I will eat pineapple.

In the simplest terms possible - the moo-moo was yum-yum. Beautifully cooked beef flavoured with cumin, brown sugar and pepper. The harder, sometimes crunchy outer coating was a fantastic texture contrast to the tender meat inside.

We then ventured from the land to the sea with a piece of fresh salmon. Delicate flavours of lemon zest, garlic and parsley made this one of the simpler dishes but my word did it work well! Simple flavours cooked perfectly - can‘t go wrong with that!

Back on to land we bit into some lamb. I am of the belief that lamb is probably the easiest (non-game) meat to get wrong. Lamb won‘t thank you for being over-cooked and the wrong combo of flavours can make it a bit bleh... the chefs at Figtree knew exactly what they were doing. Some tasty, tasty lamb was had!

The final round was prawn cooked in a basil pesto. Wonderful flavour and a good finish to the official courses.

Then came the lightning round. You see, for the nine courses they had left us some time in between so as to gorge on potato. Now that the official courses were finished we could choose to revisit any of them again...so we chose pretty much all of them.

And so we revisited our favourites – some performing better than the first time – none falling short. The major difference this time was that they all came pretty quickly and so, as our bodies began to reach capacity, we aided one another where we could. Michael in particular needed help, having been served half a pig. I obliged in helping him finish it off (see above admission to pork addiction).

Upon completion, we were all officially stuffed. At capacity. Full.

Then dessert came.

Churros served with whipped cream, fresh strawberries and a warm chocolate sauce. Although stuffed with more animals than the Ark, we happily munched upon the doughy churro goodness.

At this point I was ready to explode, or fall into a food-coma (which was the more likely option). And that‘s when they put the chocolate mints on the table. Suddenly I was reminded of a scene from Monty Python‘s Meaning of Life:

“It‘s only wafer thin!”

- M Jelenic